Untitled

A pale shade of blue
Beautiful and melancholy
Five-foot-two

If love looked like me,
I'd be smooth going down
Thirst quenching
Shockingly refreshing

I'd come free,
But wouldn't be cheap

Just like a diamond
Flawed, yet priceless
My shortcomings radiate
The rarest part of me
Because it accepts all of you;

That pale shade of blue
Beautiful
Melancholy
And I'm blessed because when I look inside,

My love mirrors you---
Unconditional...

An Ode to Hip-Hop

I met her on a Saturday...

She was a dark-haired
Wild-eyed goddess who
Captivated the hearts of all those that looked her way
Wooing respect with every click of her heels

It was her confidence that won my heart
My quick wit that stole her attention
And we began---

To beat box
To freestyle
To flow
Simply melt into the afterglow of
Mental stimulation

Our situation was ripe for revolution
Filled with haters...spectators
But she was really digging me and
She knew I felt her too
And we began---

To rock
To roll
To mingle
Simply marinate raw talent with a trained ear

We communicated well,
She and I
And we redesigned perception into an art of listening
To be more than catchy
More than deep...

...we made passion
Foreplay with everyday words...
Intensity

The bond was so strong, nothing else even mattered
Because she was really digging me and
She knew I felt her too
I talked about her wherever I'd go

By showering others with her praises---
Attesting to how having her in my life was a
Blessing because of the consciousness
Her companionship raises
I. Had. Them. Hooked.

At first, she would just nod and humbly look
But one day, she strayed from my side
And we began---

To battle
To belittle
To set a stage
Simply front like everything remained the same

We went from original to mainstream
Where the size of the ring meant more
Than the symbolism of the wedding ring

Suddenly, my wild-eyed goddess said
She just wanted to be a queen
To rule and not say anything

At first, I couldn't understand what went wrong,
But it was evident my lyrics were no longer the ones
To her favorite love song
And we began---

To entourage
To groupie
To mock
Simply look for self-acceptance
In all the wrong places

Still, I couldn't stop sharing my story
And one day, "he" wanted to know her for himself
She was really digging me and
She knew I felt her too
Somehow slipped her mind to let "him" know though

And now, we're gone...

I don't mean to sound common,
It's just that I used to love her

No matter how much I try---

To reinvent her
To save her
To simply forget her because of what she's become,
I still remember,

I met her on a Saturday...

Wipe Your Feet

I choose to be a doormat...
Wordlessly, I lay each and everyday
Only to be dirtied by,
Trampled on,
And soaked through
With the worries voiced on the brow of the unheard
Dragged by the feet of the sure-footed
Shook off the wet coat warming a dry,
Listless soul

I carry others so that they don't have to
Carry me
Shift life's weight so they can't see---

Multi-dimensional while remaining flat,
Everyone stands on me like a doormat
And though few are invited,
All seem welcomed...

Crack

I miss my time with you...
And though dependency is not a good condition,
You're my drug of choice---
My vice to maintain

It didn't use to be that way
You weren't always a welcomed habit
I couldn't seem to quit

Once, you were my rock...
My shoulder to cry on
The cool calm that washed over me
Whenever the heat of anger threatened
To consume my joy

Now, I just wanna feel good...
That warm and fuzzy kinda feeling you
Get when you're "so gone" you can't remember---
And the not remembering or caring about
The unknown seems okay (sorta good)

How bittersweet it is to have you coursing
Through my veins when I can't see you;
As I complain about time spent elsewhere
Yet all I yearn to do is feel good

So I settle...
Settle for little doses of you to maintain
Since I can obviously no longer afford

The real thing...

Sicko World

Sickness is the beauty of today
Obsessive, compulsive behavior--the new "caffiene" of the future
Self-help for the self-destructive is the new craze
Of the self-made person

Blame is no longer a personal problem,
Now that society is the only candidate left
To take the fall

'An eye for an eye' isn't merely a saying
And marriages have become fair game

Happiness is anything shaken, rolled or stirred into pill form
That's the current definition of good will

We live in a world devoid of commonsense
Where the god of morality is Howard Stern
And his goddess Spike TV

The tangible in life, we can no longer live without
And that's the way it's been

Since sickness is in...

Clothes

I wash different articles of you and recall all the ways I tossed them---
carelessly
anxiously
hurriedly
excitedly
lovingly
Each and every time knowing that us was "it"

The spinning cycle continues
And I remember that's the way I feel now---
Going round and round;
Shaking, like the way I did
When you were beside me
Around me
Inside my every word...thought...deed

I've finally rinsed away all of me
From the one thing I actually know
I love

And I'll fold you and
Put you back the way
I found you, once I dry
My tears

Don't Touch Me There

you love me
unaware that you
aren't there
feel me everywhere
want me nowhere

outside is just as cold
as the warm you give to me
i use my creativity
to imagine the words you say
hold actual meaning

weightless in water
is how you captivate my attention
i don't need this
unlike the air
still, i breathe stagnancy

because you love me unaware
feel me everywhere
my mind...

you no longer touch me there
so i'm left to want
with nowhere to go

Vice

It's tight...this metal binding my hands...tugging at my feet...mind is trapped...barred in...as I do what I want...and deny the sin...less brings more...action with...hushed reaction...a fraction of your time...complete satisfaction...sex oozes off...the marble mantle...like the game...you slid off your tongue...into my ear...then confident...you now lay awake...fearful...little boy...turned raped man...hand-cuffed...ready to go...wanting to keep...draining every drip of enjoyment...out of this experience...out of me...no thrill...have I found...bound to this flesh...tired by your arousal...sorry...for you...my bondage is ending...maturity's set in...you're just starting...we exchange...old keys for newness of life...so we think...over and over again...now you're stuck...and loving it...the bindings...so tight...like you...left...cuffed to my bad habits...clinging to my marble mantle...as I walk FREE...out the door...

Angst

It's blue and sunny
But the clouds are shaped like teardrops
And the clear sky seems streaked with grey
Bird melodies sound mockingly across breeze
That hisses angrily

Beautiful...
Bitter...
Sweet...
Cacophony...

As I sit on the stoop
Breathe deep
Close my eyes and---

Shoulder shrug
Sigh a little

Fake my way into
a really good feeling
By staring into blue skies

No wonder it never works...

Free Writing: Reality Bites

It's amazing how the truth can enrage so many. In the stillness and quietness of a moment, anger's pin drop can invoke the chaos and confusion only truth can hold within the heart and mind of denial. It seems as though we only become enthralled when we are told something we already know. We like to persecute, but we don't like to be under persecution. We like to be the exception, but never the standard...so why complain?

Truth has many intricately simple facets that affect our total genetic make-up, as well as the make-up of those around us. The blush of "constructive" criticism, the liner of self-esteem, the lipstick of boldness, the concealer of pride, the foundation of faith, the polish of morale, the shadow of good intent---can all be altered by application at the wrong time, in the wrong place, for the wrong reasons. Then, we realize that we're wearing someone else's and all of a sudden...

reality bites.

Untitled

One day, he'll appreciate me...
I see the way he looks at you;
He even points out the little things I fail to do

It's skewed...but it's still love
And it's all our own

And while I don't want your look
Or your brand of gratitude,

I need to be defended...
I'd like to be bragged on...
I deserve a "thanks" every now and again...

But it's my fault...my fault he doesn't know what my last looks like
My fault he doesn't know what my last tastes like

My fault because of my contentment to submit defeat---
Because of my inability to compete

I didn't guard my post
So, he looks at you
He looks at you and loves me

And my last...
My last always goes---
Unappreciated...

Sober

I'm having a moment...a laugh...a pain...a joy...a cry...a moment...scary...intimidating...honest...
brave...a moment...lost in the confusion of my coherent thoughts...a moment...why do we call that reflection?

A moment...that I can't escape...in a place where I'm surrounded by "now"...a moment...trapped between past and future...left to draw conclusions about the present so that I might engage in true reflection...a moment...

It's hard to make a choice for myself,
When all that I am is consumed by you---

At the moment...

Jena-free...

thought...

I wanted to sit under that shade tree
A right 400 years of slavery...
Civil rights...
MOVEMENT...fought to give me

Only to experience alienation,
After being told I could sit anywhere I wanted to be

I wasn't welcomed to that tree
Unless I wished to provide additional shade
Like the strange fruit portrayed by Holliday's
Mournful melody

Selfish...
After being told I could sit anywhere I wanted to be

I shouldn't have to leave,
But I don't see how to stay
In a place that can't want me

It's a hard reality to deal with, but deep inside
This truth is etched

There's always been more to a shade tree---
That's just the way it is...

Guess the "why" of the matter is meant to remain troubling
And prevent a mutual exchange of dignity and respect

Even after being told "we could..."
To anything

thought...

Letting Go

If I let go, you will be okay...
But will I?

If I let go, everything will be fine,
But will we?

I can't safely say the love that will be lost
Will translate into being better than having
Never loved at all---for me

If I let...go

Beautiful Lies

All of my life, I've been preparing for a place you may not want to be

Funny...

In my mind, it never occurred---never registered
That anywhere, for you, didn't include me (necessarily)

Funny...

I speak of 'Ever After' like it's inevitable
Picture had always been framed by Wonder's
Ribbon in the Sky

And isn't that just like irony?

The potential of wedded bliss has always been based on
Sweet nothings

Funny...

How tears collect in my ears at night
How I thought I couldn't live without you
Only to realize I've lived without you everyday
Even now

And I just knew we were happy
We were gonna make it

Funny, how sad this love has really been