Untitled

Gently, he whispers the bitter in my ear...

Womb cringes at the potential of
This legacy being passed on,

Like sperm to a bastard
Or hostility to a bitch in heat--

Utter insignificance.

Still, I find this thought profounding;
How I long to save innocence from its enemy--

The darkness of self...

Sound of a Heartbreak

It was only a moment--
The shared glance...smirk exchanged
Acknowledgement of something...more

We finished lunch;
Each other's sentences...

Intimate small talk for two,
At my favorite spot

Love, it cloaked us in warmth
Cooed us in happiness;
Made me blissfully unaware

Until we passed her table
Until I caught fingers trace

It was only for a moment--
In silence, something inside me,

Broke.

9.2.10

He chews and spits...

Chews and spits...

Tobacco stains sidewalk

As feet shuffle along, kick rocks

And bump mindlessly into passers-by

Because they smell him, they pretend

Not to see him, and he knows...

So brushing past doesn't seem as

Impolite as it really is--

It's all he can do to get a touch

A reminder that he is real;

More than his routine

As he chews, spits, shuffles, kicks and bumps...

Staining pavement along his way

The Hunger

He shares me
Like breast milk to baby
Nurturing his every little nasty fantasy

My pride and my self-worth groan in agony
At the thought of who I might become

Because I like it
Because he loves it

Because we both need the attention
Both need to feel like more than we know
We will ever be

The Pacifist: An Ode to "Settling"

Why can't we be happy?

Perhaps it's because we
Play at being friends...

Or maybe we pretend
to be in love;

Either way, the pain is real
And I want to stay, so--

Is contentment an option?

8.30.10

Good friends are sometimes like old lovers--
When it's good, it's really good...
And when it's done, you wonder if it was ever worth it;

Those moments spent filling empty time
Full of memories
Fond gestures
Thoughtful words

Since any given instant can reduce the value
Of it all down to nothing more than the cigarette
And the deep exhale preceeded by a decent lay...

...the sick and twisted kind where you wish you
Hadn't indulged, yet lack the desire to wash the
Stench away

I want there to be more to us than afterthought--
But maybe that's all we've ever been...

Untitled

I.
"Open wide," I said...
And ready or not, I began to peer;
To poke and prod--
A piercing stare greeted unwanting eyes
I inhaled the discontent eagerly
I like the fact that his skin begins to crawl
When I leave him used
And open
Unwillingly
I exhale satisfaction evenly,
Nose wide with all his stank
He smears my moment with a single, ingenuine tear
I hate the fact that my skin begins to crawl
When he hints to his emotionality
Secretly, it speaks volumes to me,
But I can't let let love open me up--
Open me wide, again...

II.
Like felt-tip to blank page,
He marked my purity,
And tainted my nothingness;
How disapproving eyes would glare--
Innocently, at what they thought they knew

III.
...in the open
We became complex
We became too much
We became nothing
In the midst of everything
Nose wide with all this stank
Something,
Someone somewhere,
Has convinced us
Not to let love open up--
Open us wide again
Still not ready,
Still unsure;
The peering
The prodding
The poking tarries on
And skin crawls unwillingly
As we submit
As we surrender
Hopelessly to love...

Reset

The words were gray...
deliberately ambiguous
so that self worth and meaning
would remain veiled

And in the absence of relief, hurt struck
like a father disowning his own
or a mother abandoning her home

Wounded pride stared in astonishment
at what the pain had done

No taking back what wasn't said
that conveyed the pointless,
for that was the point--

The reason that revealed a need to reflect
on the gray areas...

The ones we can't take back
The ones we can't rewind
The ones that leave a taste in my mouth
and a tear in your eye

That place where there's no easy button or quick fix;
no pause, just play

Inside a world where your hand meets my face
in a less than loving embrace--

Then we kiss,
And make up