to an unknown hand
touching an unknown face
hearing a moan that sounds unknown--
confusion is the only feeling
i've ever known...
Friday, November 2, 2007
Free Writing: What Fun...
All alone, I stare outside. It's raining again, pounding on the window pane of my heart. Flashbacks of something so perfect, so seemingly right taunt me as I blink back the regret threatening to surface. My lust-infested-love has finally gotten the better of me, tricking me into habitual denial and allowing me to call it "self-control". It's raining again, pounding on the window pane of my heart...
In the dark, I recall my transgression with a tormented smile and an ill chuckle that chills the dry, cold air as I inhale deeply. I can still feel his warmth, his touch, his kiss---I can still
hear his I Love Yous echoing in my ears, running down my neck and sending sensations up my spine...his scent is still all over me; I wear a bottle of it to cover up the hurt in my soul. It's raining again, pounding on the window pane of my heart...
My being is full, impregnated with false hope and unspeakable joy all at the same time, for in order to find myself again, I must nurture another. In order for me to nuture another, I must first deny myself and my feelings for you; feelings based on ficticious hopes and dreams...dreams I instilled within you.
As I kiss my eyes, trace your lips and hug our better half, I become overwhelmed by nameless emotions, overcome by my doubts, my fears. The only laughter I hear is that of my crying mind and all of a sudden, my deep sadness and welcomed depression provide me a ray of hope---
It's raining again, pounding on the window pane of my heart...
~What fun~
In the dark, I recall my transgression with a tormented smile and an ill chuckle that chills the dry, cold air as I inhale deeply. I can still feel his warmth, his touch, his kiss---I can still
hear his I Love Yous echoing in my ears, running down my neck and sending sensations up my spine...his scent is still all over me; I wear a bottle of it to cover up the hurt in my soul. It's raining again, pounding on the window pane of my heart...
My being is full, impregnated with false hope and unspeakable joy all at the same time, for in order to find myself again, I must nurture another. In order for me to nuture another, I must first deny myself and my feelings for you; feelings based on ficticious hopes and dreams...dreams I instilled within you.
As I kiss my eyes, trace your lips and hug our better half, I become overwhelmed by nameless emotions, overcome by my doubts, my fears. The only laughter I hear is that of my crying mind and all of a sudden, my deep sadness and welcomed depression provide me a ray of hope---
It's raining again, pounding on the window pane of my heart...
~What fun~
Free Writing: Beings
In awe, I marveled at the depth that engulfed my sense of
awareness---control and yet, was not afraid...entertaining it so freely, it cooed me, like a baby into a comfortable, content silence. All alone, I listened, watched and learned what it actually meant to have this burning, passionate desire to take a wounded, lifeless soul and marinate it with love and affection until was not only healed, but whole. As intellect bounced off of spoken word, all I could hear was inner peace. As contentment laughed in the face of fear, I could see angels rejoicing at the progress they'd always envisioned finally come to pass...we as beings were actually beginning to realize what it meant to be defined as human.
No longer do we merely exist, we live
Not only are we social, we're spiritual, profound, unique
No longer are we here, we're individual
No longer do we heal...
We grow
awareness---control and yet, was not afraid...entertaining it so freely, it cooed me, like a baby into a comfortable, content silence. All alone, I listened, watched and learned what it actually meant to have this burning, passionate desire to take a wounded, lifeless soul and marinate it with love and affection until was not only healed, but whole. As intellect bounced off of spoken word, all I could hear was inner peace. As contentment laughed in the face of fear, I could see angels rejoicing at the progress they'd always envisioned finally come to pass...we as beings were actually beginning to realize what it meant to be defined as human.
No longer do we merely exist, we live
Not only are we social, we're spiritual, profound, unique
No longer are we here, we're individual
No longer do we heal...
We grow
Crystal Ball
As I stare into my crystal ball
I look in closely and recall
A house that isn't a home
A person who walks, but it's an aimless roam
A smiling face with decietful ways
A "sinless" person who only prays
After they've done all their bad deeds for the day
A beating heart that's hard as stone
A popular person who's all alone
You encased in this little fantasy
That cracked open and engulfed me
Turning my ball into reality
I look in closely and recall
A house that isn't a home
A person who walks, but it's an aimless roam
A smiling face with decietful ways
A "sinless" person who only prays
After they've done all their bad deeds for the day
A beating heart that's hard as stone
A popular person who's all alone
You encased in this little fantasy
That cracked open and engulfed me
Turning my ball into reality
Together, Forever...
I didn't want to know because I already knew
All my fears you'd verbally confirm true
I needn't know the inadequacy I feel
I didn't want the unreal to find feeling---
For now, all's been made substantial
And now I know we're circumstantial
All my fears you'd verbally confirm true
I needn't know the inadequacy I feel
I didn't want the unreal to find feeling---
For now, all's been made substantial
And now I know we're circumstantial
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