unfinished (passing thought)

...anxiety settled in the crease of her brow. She sat like a war time Jew in silent suffering, waiting for the phone to ring; life or death on the other line--fate hanging in the balance. She fights hard the urge to abort present because future could become quite grim...

Sensations

Words sweet like cherry lip gloss
Slipped off the tongue and into
Auditory excitement

Smiles greet as pleasantries exchange
Then eventually, numbers--
The inevitable always begins this way...

...then somehow upsets, disgusts and surprises
With a different excitement while we watch
As he slips some more of that hypnotic nectar
Sweetly into another unsuspecting ear

Cheaters Haiku

Whispers quietly
Scream obvious truth to me
As I watch my porch

Vignette #1

silence breaks in staccato notes as i realize i can't sing him to your tune

Vignette # 2

blood smeared tears cleanse black and blue cries conjured up from the depths of a breaking will; hope seeps through the cracks...and saved spirit once again

Vignette # 3

it hurts; like first light hitting nocturnal eyes--this lie called love

When It Rings...

dial tone
consistently
loud silence
tormenting
enticed
appetite
you whet
my intellect
as heart
is torn
repeatedly
paralanguage
sends mixed
verbal cues
we share
loud
silence
consistently
I can't hang up
but I'm hung up
on you
[click]
you whet
my intellect
as heart
is torn
repeatedly
dial tone

Untitled

...present tense passes slower than the fleeting hours I have imagined the unfolding of this experience...on the inside...the actuality of a stolen moment...I cherish each minute of inclusion...in breathless anticipation of the second it will end...for me, time births sweet sorrow...over...and over...again...

The Underachievers: An Ode to Displacement

mammies...
sambos...
toms...
coons...

Nursewife to your children
Sewer of your wounds
Indentured servditude

Kings and Queens
Princes and Princesses
Bow at the feet of the helpless
Till fields for the ignorant

To gain praise
Respect
Acknowledgement

Royalty...defaced
Diminished
Defiled
Desensitized

By white-men-dressed-black-face
By 'high yellas' passing in high society
For identity lost in the shuffle
Principle lost at sea

As Kings and Queens
Princes and Princesses
Leave their dignity behind
To nurse American children
And sew American wounds

To birth mammies; sambos--
toms and coons

To trade the adornment of wealth
For the shackles of bondage and slavery
For identity lost in the shuffle

Royalty...defaced

Gluttony

I'm force-fed the notion that black is beautiful
because realistically, I eat white freely,
everyday...

Drifters

My worries form words and phrases that encapsulate a torrent of emotions
Not wanting to get swept away, I share with you...

Dead eyes greet me in return
As your ears repel my cries for help

I find this moment very disheartening
Because in ten minutes, you will inhale deeply;
Ball your fists, and scream at me...

Scream at me, all that I attempted to confide in you...reiterate my torment
As your tone accuses me of not listening

And then, walk away feeling justified in the unresolve we BOTH share,

share alone...

Driving on Dwele...

Almost killed myself,
While trying to save this thought--
That's passion.

Sincere

...to me means wrong or right,
smart or stupid, the genuine
soul would try honesty
before committing to a lie...

Psalm

I deserve love,
So I decided to quit
The panic button prayers
And delight in the wisdom
Of early morning communes
To David's tunes...

Untitled

thought...

If he "talks business" over here,
but "handles business" over there--
does he stand for anything???

thought...

Weather Vane

It's like looking through frosted glass,
Surveying the experiential difference between
Hindsight and foresight...

Present so radically shifts between "what if..." and "if only..."
I prefer rain over fog any day
Yet ironically, am confronted by morning's dewy mist

If clear were easier to readily attain...
But it's not, because I am often living in mixed conditions

Partly cloudy
Partly sunny
Rain and sleet
Sleet and snow
Flash flooding all throughout my sense of well-being

Eyes are hazy with sweltering and ever-changing emotions
The mirage of my contentment often short circuits
Because overwhelming circumstance trickles of a grim reality
Down life's painted glass

This poor sight at Present,
Morphs my Yesterday into a dimmer Tomorrow;
Radically shifting my Today

Stain

Brushed cross my cheek...

the scent
the caress
of what was thought could never be

It happened...

that silent moment between wounded existence
an exchange--of mutual regret
and understanding

The truth...

it's stained my hope
this time, the fight has turned into begging
as the desperation sets in

The betrayal...

it hits my nose
buried deep into this collar crease
and rubs my mind raw--numb

it stains
it hurts
won't wash out,

the quiet of actuality
that brushed cross my cheek

I hold back the tears so that they don't stain;
tarnish what remains, of my dignity...

Blah

nothing substantial...not much to say...mind's been on empty...no life on which to prey...muse...use or abuse...cause virgin paper to copulate with pen...conceive...and birth more than an afterthought...so I often abort personification...miscarry lyrical revelations...of hope...and of healing...until the morning after...when the thrill is gone...and I'm faced once again with nothing substantial...not much to say...spitting in the hungry eye wanting reassurance...laughing at the still born of this raped thought...by drawing on my own selfish intuitions...and empty ambitions...

Untitled

I haven't talked to you lately;
I mean, really talked to you,
Shared my day...feelings...thoughts--
Included you like the friend that you are

An afterthought;
As of late, that's how rememberance of you's come about
I'd say sorry, but you deserve so much more...

...like inclusion; respect...maybe a lil' pride on the side
Beginning to think that happy isn't really happy if you're never
One of the ones smiling

So today, I would like a reintroduction,
Because you deserve the very best--

Determinedly; timidly...I uncover the mirror
Because now I know, I am someone worth loving...

Loving completely

Weak

Sometimes, I wish I were under-worked and over-paid...so that belly would be full and spirit, contented...but I fear that would not solve the problem...because I didn't trust God today...and when I forget to remember Him...something happens in those waking hours to remind me--I misplaced my trust...set my commitment down to chase after His will...if only for a moment, I could indulge my senses in the decadence of it all...somehow, I don't believe such a thought would be as exciting, if I would daily turn to the One sweeter than the honey in the honeycomb...He, who gives back to us, everything the locusts stole...but I didn't trust God today...and when I forget to remember Him, I settle for little inadequacies that add up to a large abyss of confusion...of questions...and loneliness...and my passion, like a half-empty glass...nestles deep into the dusty mantle of my finitude...I owe life an apology...for demanding more of her than she could ever give...

Stay

I wish you'd stay...to dry the tears provoked by this bitter pill...stay...after I kiss and love away all the frustrations of the day...stay...when heart grows cold...and patience wears thin...stay...since it doesn't feel the way it used to...since the house is no longer home...I wish you'd stay...love is already so hard...only so much compromise we can do...stay...so we don't have to share...this lump is getting too big to swallow...but I fear you like it in the middle...with an imposter in either hand...instead of what's real...so if no one will be here to wipe this hurt away--

I wish you'd stay...

When It Hurts

I watched quietly as she sat...
...and smiled through tears,
slightly hugging self;
Deeply inhaling the discontent
and exhaling her new beginning

I sat quietly as he watched...
...and walked away
Pride wilted on his brow like the flowers
in his hand;
With one foot in and the other out,
it was clear his heart resided where he was
about to leave

I thought quietly,
as I witnessed these crossroads unfold
in bitter and sweet--

Love at its worst because it's being done right;
Sometimes, it doesn't feel good

Still, there are smiles in the tears
And passion in every step the opposite direction--

When you love...
...through the hurt

Beneath the Warm

There's a certain coldness I feel
When faced with the traces of you...
...reminds me of all we we have in common

He covers himself with you each day...and the one
I thought was behind me, merely moved underneath me--
to cushion reality's blow

I don't know why I place so much emphasis on where you came from...
It shouldn't matter if "I don't care"
Still, I find you to be the women in my life--

Not nameless, nor faceless...simply understood
Because through it all, I never could throw
His sincerity away

And love with "you" revealed the jewel he always had in me...

...but these memories, they're cold...I don't like the cold--
why does it have to be so cold?